Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6-7 - A time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.
Today's lesson looks at a time of relationships...which ones are forever relationships, which ones are the ones that are just for a short period of time, which should be let to pass silently, and which are the ones to go loudly? Relationships are hard. They can be tricky. They take work even if it's just a brief relationship. Good businesses establish relationships with their customers and work to keep them.
"It's easier to purge when it comes to things, harder when it comes to people." When was the last time you actually did "spring" cleaning at your house? Josh and I are getting ready to do it this weekend as we change out summer clothes with fall clothes and tidy the house for a home visit from our foster worker. It's easy for me to let go of most material items...I guess I've watched too many of the hoarder shows and seen how it can wreck relationships. I also realize that I will not be able to physically use most items, don't have a place to store them, or know that they are no longer needed/wanted. But what do you do when it comes to purgine people or relationships from your life?
"...there are times when we have to decide if we are going to maintain certain friendships, cut them abruptly loose, or quitely let them slip away. We have to discern if a difficult or broken relationship warrantes mending or tearing, if we need to speak up and reach clarity or closure, or if it's best to let things go unspoken and allow the relationship to die of natural causes."
Maintaining friendships can be a chore. They take work especially if that friendship is long distance. My best friend, Becky, and I have been friends since the 5th grade when her family moved to Eads...that's a total of about 18 years that we've known each other. (Goodness! I never realized I was so OLD!) Our relationship has been through it all! Jealousy, Rage, Happiness, Joyfulness, Idleness. It has had it's ups and downs, it's twists and turns, but it's been worth it. We were brought together by God and will be friends until the end, no matter what. It's a relationship that both of us know is worth it. Our relationship was very easily maintained while we both went through high school. But after we graduated, I parted for KC and she stayed in Eads for a while. Then there came Dallas for her and that first summer, Michael (good friend) and I drove down to see her for a week. Then she we didn't see each other for 2 years. We were able to meet her fiance on a beach trip that year. The next time I saw her was the day before her wedding...I actually got to see her whole family too! Then we went again without seeing each other for several years. But a relationship like ours is worth maintaining. Through each phase of our relationship where we go long periods without contact, I think of the song Becky wrote down for me on a card once..."Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them."
Hear the full song "Friends" by Michael W Smith at (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF0UPv20kUA)
Cutting a relationship abruptly loose can hurt very much and yet at the same time be the best thing you do. The relationship that was hardest for me to cut loose (at least at the time) was my engagement to Rich. Rich is from Canada and we had know each other for many years. My first year of college I took a trip to see him and he proposed. I said "Yes". I knew this long distance relationship would be tough to maintain...as I wouldn't go back until my last semester of school...or so was the plan. The relationship had lots of opposition...my mom was against me which was tearing deeply at me and Rich's family wasn't supportive of his happiness at the time. What tore at me more was that at the time, Rich had decided he would only go to church on the big days, not weekly with me. This weighed heavily on me because God is very important in my life. After several thought crippling weeks of thinking it through and calls to Rich and emails back and forth, I knew I could not marry him if he could not commit to God...it wouldn't work. I called him and cut it off. The next several months were the worst months of my life. Rich had been a staple for years and now? Now, I couldn't talk to him for fear I would let the wrong choice reign. I cried myself to sleep almost every night for 2 months...it cut deep and hurt so much! But, it was the right decision. After Rich, came Josh.
Quitely letting a relationship slip away is almost a mutual decision made by both parties. Because, let's face it, if one side wanted the relationship to continue, they would attempt to keep it afloat. The relationship that strikes me here is my friendship with Heidi. We became great friends during college spending much of our free time together or with the "gang" (Josh, Bill, & Burning). During our friendship, she said she liked Josh. She was the shy type so, being Josh's friend for 24 months at the time, I told her all my tips...his likes, dislikes, and ways to flirt with him. After 8 months of divulging all my secrets about Josh, I realized that I really, really liked him. I went to Heidi and told her this...any good friend would be open about it and not conive around their friend's back. She assured me it was okay because he wasn't her type afterall. Within 3 weeks she refused to return my calls and the last time I spoke with her was 3 weeks before my wedding when she came to church before leaving for Iowa. This was a relationship that she didn't want to carry on and a relationship I had to learn to let slip by. It was meant only to last us through our trials of college and be no more. We learned great leasons from each other and had many great memories, but it's not a relationship to take you full hilt.
"But I do know that when we pray and bring these situations before God, He will direct us in how and when to resolve them." This line gives me comfort. It let's me know that our God is willing to take time to deal with a minimal item such as our feelings and dealings. He is willing to look through time and tell us how we should go forth with each friendship.
"The forever ones [relationships] sparkle even more when we realize how rare they really are." How many forever relationships do you have? How do you cultivate your forever relationship? Have you thanked God for the forever relationship?
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